What if I told you there is nothing wrong with you? Nothing…nothing at all. What if you took on that belief? What would your life look like? What would you be propelled to do? What would need to let go of? What is the belief that there is something innately wrong with you protecting you from? How is it serving you?
I believed this my entire life. I believed there was something desperately wrong with me. That I was born with some defect that meant I was less than everyone else, I deserved less than everyone else, that I was inferior to everyone else and my needs were not as important as anyone else’s .
This belief was ingrained in me. It was part of me. It was my truth and therefore something I didn’t even consider questioning.
This belief has been both a painful abuser to me and a loving, protecting friend. It’s debilitated my life, preventing me from participating in it fully, from connecting, allowing, receiving, from recognising myself, from not only not having my needs met but from even allowing myself to have needs at all.
The search for the problem within me, for the problem about me, fed this belief and kept me safe. Safe from vulnerability, safe from showing myself to others, safe from admitting that I’m not perfect when I believed perfection was a prerequisite to love. The belief that there is something wrong with me allowed me to prevent all the things I wanted to come in. I wasn’t manifesting the things I wanted, not because there was something wrong with me and I didn’t deserve them but because I believed there was something wrong with me and therefore didn’t deserve them. The belief, not my inadequacy was blocking my desires from actualising.
We have all had life experiences, circumstances, pain, hurt, suffering which has led us to believe that there is something “wrong” with us. People have mistreated us, hurt us, convinced us that we are of no value, no worth. People can create this through harmful words and actions or more often in a less recognised form, through ignorance. Emotional ignorance and neglect is the most painful act of all. When someone is hurting us we are still being recognised, even though it’s negative recognition we are still receiving recognition which feels better than neglect. Ignorance to our emotions, to our needs, creates complete isolation within our souls. As beings of oneness, nothing is more painful to our hearts than the feeling of internal seclusion, it’s a completely unnatural state to us, it is quite literally soul destroying.
These life experiences, our “trauma” becomes who we are. We make our trauma about us, we believe we were victim to it because it was what we deserved, we believe these experiences were part of our lives because there was something wrong with us. But our trauma, our pain, the hurt people caused us is not who we are, it is a byproduct of their trauma which is a byproduct of someone else’s trauma which they are carrying and acting out. We are so identified with our trauma that we make it who we are, we make it who other people are. You are not your trauma, you are living out the belief that you deserved your trauma. Your parents are not their trauma, your partner is not their trauma, your teacher, your abuser, your family are not their trauma, they are acting out on the trauma that was acted out on them. This does not in any way condone their behaviour, it is to allow you to see that their behaviour and how you were treated is not and never was because there was something unlovable or wrong with you.
People have not hurt you because there was something wrong with you. Look for yourself beneath the painful things that have occurred in your life, beneath what has happened to you. Look for yourself without the circumstances of other peoples trauma being inflicted upon you. Because that’s what it is. There is NOTHING wrong with you. People hurt you because they believed there was something wrong with them because someone else hurt them who had been hurt by someone else. They were angry, powerless, hurt, in victimhood. It’s a vicious cycle and it’s time to break this cycle. It’s time to disidentify with other peoples pain and see who you really are beneath it. This part of you exists and always will. Let this part of you come up for air, let them be seen, let them take centre stage where they belong. Allow them to be born again, their able, there is nothing wrong with them, there is nothing wrong with you!
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