Before my first psilocybin therapy experience, I missed meaningful connection in my life. After doing a lot of inner work and therapy, I still felt stuck. I had this feeling that something was holding me back, but I couldn’t figure out what it was. It felt like I was stuck in a spiral experiencing the same challenges over and over again.
When I was eighteen years old I had a heart attack. My near death experience inspired me to learn more about the mystical and how we can heal through altered states of consciousness. I became fascinated listening to the psychedelic experiences of others, however it took much time before I ventured on my own psychedelic journey.
I started to read more about the therapeutic benefits of Psilocybin and other substances. The astonishing study by John Hopkins University with advance-stage cancer patients definitely sparked my curiosity. The study showed that Psilocybin produced decreases in depression and anxiety in patients with life-threatening cancer.
A few months later, I received a message from a women I knew who had to give up her spot for a psilocybin retreat called The Shift. She asked me if wanted to go in her place to the seven day retreat in The Netherlands. When I looked up the website I learned that Alice & Kerrie used Psilocybin therapeutically and this was what the retreat was about.
After reading their unique approach I immediately felt called to the retreat because I knew it was vital for me to feel safe and supported if I was going to journey with psychedelics, it was evident they too understood the importance of this. It also felt like the right time for me to experience the therapeutic benefits of Psilocybin myself.
A few weeks later I was at The Shift Retreat with a small group of conscious individuals who were all fascinated by the therapeutic benefits of Psilocybin. I remember being both nervous and excited before the first ceremony.
Before the start of the ceremony, we all shared our intentions, fears and excitement. Alice and Kerrie first guided us into the experience with beautiful meditations and before I knew it, I was there being guided by the Spirit of Psilocybin itself.
“GOLDEN TEACHER CAN YOU GUIDE ME ON MY JOURNEY OF CONNECTING TO THE PART OF ME THAT WANTS CONNECTION? I WANT TO LIVE AN ABUNDANT LIFE FILLED WITH MEANINGFUL RELATIONSHIPS”.
On the journey, I let my intention go and trusted whatever came up for me.
Psilocybin is a very unique teacher whose lessons are deeply profound. Before I was able to open up to connection, I needed to feel the pain of my loneliness first.
During the 5 long hours of my journey, I was able to dive very deep within myself in a way I never experienced before. It felt like opening up to to the most profound emotional layer of my being.
I connected to the part of me that felt sad, unsafe, and unsupported.
I was the person that always supports everyone, but now it was time for me to completely let go and receive support from others.
I experienced different memories from my childhood when my emotional and physical needs weren’t met. I was unaware of the sadness that my inner child felt for so long. It was a part of me that split off when I was very young. She felt unsafe and unsupported. I completely melted into her perspective. I felt the overwhelming sadness washing over me like waves. The tears continued to roll down my cheeks. Eventually I felt like Alice in Wonderland who swam in her ocean of tears.
TODAY, I LET MYSELF BE SUPPORTED, SEEN, AND HELD.
I almost drowned in the ocean of sadness that was stuck with me, but then I allowed myself to be held and supported by Alice and Kerrie. For the first time in my life, I experienced what it feels like for someone to attune to my needs – a missing experience from my childhood which they provided for me.
In the beginning it felt strange and I wasn’t sure if I wanted it because the child within me feared that she wasn’t worthy of having what she wants and needs. But once I let myself receive it, it felt like a golden eagle flew over to rescue me from this deep loneliness. I felt the protective mother energy of this beautiful strong eagle holding me tight.
Then I was held by the Golden Teacher, (the strain of psilocybin I ingested) I felt it’s warmth and containing energy. Having this experience made me ready to hold and support the little child within myself with pure unconditional love. She will no longer have to feel alone.
I was able to break through the thick walls that prevented me from receiving love and support. And when my walls came down, I was able to open up more to other people.
I found that psilocybin therapy worked best for me in a small group setting because a lot of my wounding was about feeling lonely. The sharing of my experience with others in the integration sessions felt profoundly healing and it added an extra therapeutic element, which felt just as important as the ceremony itself. I was able to process and integrate the experience more. The trauma integration methods that Kerrie and Alice taught helped me to become clear on how I can use my insights as fuel to create lasting changes in my life.
Even though I have never used Psilocybin recreationally, I don’t think it is as beneficial without the therapeutic setting. A psilocybin journey is a deeply profound experience, and because of the support I received, I got so much more out of it than I expected.
A safe setting was key to my healing experience. Feeling safe helped me to dive deeper into my emotions. It supported me into trusting the process.
Psilocybin therapy was what I needed in order to find resolution for painful experiences of the past. It helped me to dive into my subconscious and reclaim the lost pieces of who I am.
I can now allow myself to be vulnerable and create deep meaningful friendships. In my work I started to collaborate with conscious companies and entrepreneurs so I no longer have to work alone. It feels like I regained my power by allowing myself to be supported.