Through Psilocybin Therapy, I became aware of how deeply alone I felt inside. It was not the lack of people in my life that made me feel alone, but the walls I created that prevented me from letting people in. I was so afraid to ask for support that I suppressed this need entirely. For years, I tried to do everything myself, I avoided depending on others at all costs. The awareness of what was happening within me on a mental and emotional level inspired me to create lasting changes in my life.
The greatest challenge came after the first Psilocybin Retreat I attended when I realised the profound experiences I had been through during the journeys with psilocybin now needed to be integrated. I realised that I needed to allow myself to receive support from other people. But this awareness alone, that I needed more supportive friendships in my life wouldn’t create those changes for me. It was essential for me to take action in order to integrate my insights into my daily life.
During the integration process, it was important for me to attune to my wants and my needs. I envisioned how I could approach my life differently. I created a list of action steps that helped me to integrate my insights into my daily life. I made those action steps as simple and tract ical a NBGBs possible. I decided to commit to one change at a time instead of expecting myself to change my life entirely all at once. Once each step began to felt complete or effortless to me, I moved on to the next.
THE ACTION STEPS LOOKED LIKE THIS…
I WILL WRITE MY PSILOCYBIN JOURNEYS DOWN, INCLUDING THE INSIGHTS THAT I RECEIVED
I loved writing my experience down. Even though it felt almost impossible to put into words. I wrote it in my journal as memories that I could read again. Whenever I felt my insights slip away, I opened up my journal and was reminded of my powerful insights.
WHEN I RETURN HOME I WILL CREATE A NEW PAINTING…
My journey also awakened my creative nature, which inspired me to start painting again. Visuals that I saw on my trip I painted on the canvas. These paintings symbolize my experience and also help awaken the memories from my subconscious mind.
I WILL REACH OUT FOR SUPPORT AT LEAST ONCE A WEEK
My most important commitment was to reach out to someone whenever I needed support instead of expecting myself to do it all alone. Shortly after I came home from the Psilocybin Retreat, I reached out to a friend. I shared my experiences with her, and we made the commitment to reach out to each other whenever we needed support. We also made the commitment to meet every week and support each other in finding resolution for painful experiences. Our weekly meetings became a safe space for us to be vulnerable and express our emotions. We formed this deep friendship where it became safe to let our protective walls down.
I WILL CONNECT WITH THE PARTS OF ME THAT FEAR INTIMACY IN RELATIONSHIPS
Another thing I practice is a form of self therapy called Parts Work. This supports my need to create an inner connection to myself to create a deeper relationship with others. When I have a deeper understanding of myself, I can create a safer connection with others. Because only then can I show my authentic self and receive the support that I truly need.
Through Parts Work, I can connect with the parts of me that are still hurt and feel unsafe in relationships. It helps me to become aware of what wants and needs were unmet in my childhood and might still be missing in my life. I use this powerful integration method to speak to my inner aspects, attune to their needs, validate their perspective, and let them know they are no longer stuck in the past. I create a safe space for these parts to come back to me in the present moment, while making the commitment to meet their needs and keep them safe.
I WILL COMMIT TO HAVING IN-DEPTH CONVERSATIONS WITH PEOPLE ABOUT WHAT HELPS THEM CREATE SAFE RELATIONSHIPS
I also felt inspired to learn more about relationships from other people. I am a young woman who didn’t have the most healthy role models in my childhood. So I still had a lot to learn. Making relationships my personal study became an exciting experience. I decided to find new healthy role models. I talked to people from all walks of life about relationships and asked them what helped them form safe relationships. I learned so much from having in-depth conversations with people.
WHEN I FEEL STRESSED OR ANXIOUS I WILL SPEND TIME IN NATURE.
Whenever I felt like I was falling back into old patterns, (a natural and expected part of the process) I went on a walk. I love going on long walks in nature, which allows me to reflect back on my Psilocybin experiences. On my walks, I love listening to the music that played during the ceremony. Listening to the playlist provokes the same emotions that I felt on my journey where I experience feeling memories that resurface again and remind me of an experience that is beyond words.
The integration process taught me that we all have our bad days, and these days are an essential part of the healing process. These days inspired me to reach out and allow myself to be supported by other people. The more I include other people in my transformative process, the more successful I become at creating lasting change in my life.
A year later, my life changed significantly. I no longer feel misunderstood and lonely because I surround myself with people that feel safe. Every time I open up more, get vulnerable and express myself fully, I enable people to accept me for who I am. These profound shifts in my life didn’t happen overnight. It was a long integration process that required full commitment, persistence, and courage. I now thank myself for being brave enough to rediscover the wonders of connection all over again.⠀